The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
