how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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