I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
