Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
