I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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