I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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