By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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