I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
