I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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