OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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