I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
