my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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