Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
