i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
