I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
