Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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