I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
