Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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