Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
