Who wears a wallet chain?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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