I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
