There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
