Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
