so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
