wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
