"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
