Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
