woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
