You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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