Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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