oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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