It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
