So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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