Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
