Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
