Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
