forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
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