I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
