; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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