I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We have started to decorate penises.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
