thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
