did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
