Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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