Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
