Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dignity is for republicans.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize