I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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