she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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