How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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