Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
