I want to have your abortion
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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