the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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