lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
NoShamevember. You game?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize