and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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