I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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