Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
