she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
