Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
