i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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