The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
