So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
