you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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