Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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