We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
