lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
