Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
