Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
