Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
