guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize