He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
